long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
