So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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