I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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