i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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