Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Semen is not good for contacts.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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