Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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