I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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