Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
