Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
