I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
