I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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