You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
