I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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