Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
