So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
