there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
