batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize