You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
