apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize