dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
