Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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