I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
