Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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