1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
worst night to have a conscience
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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