Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
