How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
