I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
