I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
