just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
