i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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