i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize