woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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