I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
