For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
