It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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