so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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