She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i love accidental penises.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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