no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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