I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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