I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
