I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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