No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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