is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
