just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
