thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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