It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
