Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
