You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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