Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
