Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
