God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
