Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
