Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
