I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
