I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
