i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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