I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
