I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
