I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize