Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
