i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
